Happy holidays! I hope that your family found some moments of calm yesterday and that the festive period gives you a chance to recharge without too many upsets and frayed moments. So many of us have been feeling the pull for slower, smaller, calmer holidays - saying no to too many gifts, too many visitors, too many decorations and festive foods and ‘mandatory fun’ activities that leave everyone overstreched, overspent, frazzled, tired, and overwhelmed. Last year A definitely had too many gifts and he wasn’t able to appreciate most of the things he was given. We all felt bad that we didn’t manage to do all the festive activities on our list, and I ended up in bed for a few days with a terrible cold.
This year we knew we had to do things differently. Time is less elastic with two children to look after. We are always considering Birdie’s health so attending carol concerts or going to busy museums isn’t on the agenda for us this winter. We are trying to be more conscious about our resources, thinking more closely about how we spend our money and making choices to buy the boys things that they will truly delight in, instead of things that I love but they don’t find appealing. I’m sure we are all guilty of this to some degree - we see so many beautiful toys and imagine the way our ideal child might play with them, forgetting the actual child in our home who will not find that beautiful horse/car/washing line/etc/etc at all interesting. I put a lot of things in and out of shopping carts, and in the end settled on things that I really hope the boys will use and love.
Each of the boys got two individual gifts, a stocking, and one large gift to share. A also got one gift from ‘Santa’ and Birdie got one gift from A, who decided independently that he would like to give Birdie one of his old toys - a Brio pushing cart - that we’d had in storage. The boys also received one gift from grandparents. It still felt a bit over the top. A hasn’t looked at one of the presents we gave him, nor either of the gifts from his grandparents, although they are absolutely things he will adore in time. I think that next year we may only do stockings and one gift each on Christmas morning, and open any remaining gifts in the days between Christmas and New Year.
A quick run-down of what each boy received: we gifted A a set of Grapat Tomtens since he loves to have little odds and ends in his pockets. He hasn’t looked at these at all yet beyond dumping them out of the bag, but I do think he will really like them once things calm down and he sees them properly. He also received a flower press from us, something he’d been asking for for a while. My parents gave him Cat Bingo (and very generously gifted us a term’s worth of dance and music lessons, which is the best gift anyone could give A at this moment in time!), and his paternal Grandad and step-grandma send him a lovely set of log cabin blocks. He also received an incredible book drawn by his Grandad, featuring a song from T’s childhood.
From ‘Santa’ - and I preface this by saying that we have not yet settled on how we approach the idea of Santa in our family, and that we discuss Santa very lightly, and really only in response to A’s questions and expectations set by books and his peer group - he received a Maileg cat. The request for Santa to bring ‘a brother for To-tea’, who is his favourite stuffed cat, came unprompted from us. We didn’t engage with the idea of Santa in any other way, and for the time being I think I’m happy to continue to follow his lead on Santa.
Stocking presents is where I fell down this year: three books, a pair of leggings, a tiny Tomten and his fox, a Mistletoe fairy, some washi tape, a Plan toys travel game tin, an Ostheimer owl, a top-up of kinetic sand, some chocolates, a nature journal, and a tiny music box. The music box (just something cheap from Tiger, although it sounds pretty good) is hands-down A’s favourite gift. He has not put it down for more than a few moments since pulling it out of his stocking. I think he would have been happy with the music box, the tape, and the stuffed cat.
Birdie’s gifts were much simpler: an object permanence box and a one-piece puzzle handed down from A, plus a set of Grimm’s nesting boxes from my parents, along with the Brio cart. In his stocking were a lovely Bonnika baby doll (instantly his new favourite toy since the rubber head is just right for teething), a Sophie giraffe, new dungarees, and Grapat rings which I thought were large enough to be safe but unfortunately will have to be kept up for the time being. He also received a Yew fairy for our holiday decoration collection, which we’ll keep safe until he’s old enough to play with it.
The boys received a TriClimb Pikler triangle to share. We sold our Wobbel board a while back because it wasn’t being used, and so far this seems to be much more of a hit. We’re also starting a family tradition of buying a new musical instrument each winter, and are going to order a bongo cajon (which Birdie will be able to play sitting on the floor) once the holiday shipping rush is over.
We hope to see friends a few times over the holiday week, but most of our plans involve local parks, playgrounds, and our living room. Yesterday A watched a full-length film for the first time (My Neighbour Totoro), and tonight we will go on a walk at dusk to look at Christmas lights in the neighbourhood. We might make some more jam tarts (although does anyone really need the extra sugar?) Any spare evening moments we’ll spend videochatting to catch up with family. In the past having so few forays into central London would have felt a bit depressing and claustrophobic - and also I would have been worried about giving A a ‘boring Christmas’ - but I have begun to realise that for very small children, the pace of a busy city at peak holiday madness isn’t celebratory, it’s terribly stressful. It’s difficult for a 3 year old to have a ‘boring Christmas’ because it’s more or less impossible for a 3 year old to feel really and truly bored - although it is a great challenge regardless of the time of year to convince A to play alone for any length of time. The long slow holiday period allows us to continue to help him build his independent playing skills and to model independent work without the many time pressures of our usual schedule.
While I always wish we were closer to family at the holidays, the stress and upheaval of travelling at a time that’s already full of excitement can be a recipe for a hard time. I am learning to appreciate our quiet Christmases and I hope that as the boys get older, they will feel that the days are calm and spacious rather than too-quiet and dull.