This is a new series that I’ll be featuring periodically, sharing my thoughts and research on educating a spirited child. Whether you are a home educating parent or your family is part of a school community, I hope you’ll find something useful and uplifting to take away.
Spirited kids are full of energy and ideas, which can make it extra difficult for them to focus on your instructions. Moving through transitions - sitting down to eat, putting on coats and shoes to leave the house, getting ready for bed - can be especially hard. There are so many tiny steps to complete, and so many other things to think about! Using simple, familiar songs or rhymes throughout the day can gently draw your spirited kid’s focus to the task at hand without needing to turn into a repetitive, frustrated person. You don’t need to be a beautiful singer or have lengthy poems memorised to use rhyme as an anchor for your days. A short tune - what Pooh Bear would probably call a ‘hum’ - is enough to call attention to the moment, collect your child’s energy, and help them move alongside you towards the next moment.
A Gentle Reminder
Nobody likes to be nagged or feel like they have to drop what they are doing all at once. Neither does anyone like to be told to listen! It’s easy to ignore a parent talking about coming to the table - those words get lost in the wash of our broader conversation and our children’s busy minds. It takes a lot of willpower - which most small children do not have yet - to draw your focus away from your game and attach to the sound of your mother telling you something. Spirited children are especially likely to feel frustrated by any sense they are being coerced or controlled, so a bit of song can help shepherd them through a transition without them needing to push back automatically against a demand.
For many spirited children, having a reduced amount of input helps them to understand what you’d like them to do. Their minds and bodies are very busy, so adding in too much more stimulus in the form of conversation can simply wash past them. However, a child’s ear tunes into a small bit of song because it sounds different than your normal speaking voice, and it makes the moment feel that extra bit special. Song draws them into a shared moment with you.
On a practical level for us parents, singing helps us to stay playful and to avoid shouting! If you are feeling very frustrated that no one is listening to you, simply singing, ‘I need listening ears right now! Listen to my voice, please’ in a singsong tune is much better for your heart rate - and much better received - than losing your cool and shouting the same words. Try it!
How we use song and verse
We have some set songs and verses that we sing or say at different points of our day, to mark a transition from one activity to another. I also have many short tuneful phrases that I use throughout the day to call the children’s attention or ask them to come close to me if they have strayed too far. Often, I start singing and A will join in - although occasionally now at age 4, he will start to sing our usual song before I do!
Morning Time and Breakfast
When it’s time to settle in for breakfast and a story, I sing a classic Waldorf morning time song:
Good morning, dear Earth,
Good morning, dear Sun,
Good morning dear trees , and the flowers every one.
Good morning dear bees,
and the birds in the trees,
Good morning to you and good morning to me.
There are lots of recordings of the tune and a few different versions (swapping ‘beasts’ for ‘bees’, for example).
Getting out the door
We have a different kind of classic tune for when we need to leave the house. It’s the chorus of Petula Clark’s old song ‘Put Your Shoes on Lucy, ‘ something I picked up from my dear college roommate, who used to sing this to me when it was time to leave our flat. I swap out ‘Lucy’ for the name of the child in question!
Put your shoes on Avery
Don’t you know we’re in the city?
Put your shoes on Avery
You’re a big kid now.
The Frustration Song
Sometimes I sing the nursery rhyme “I’m a Little Teapot” with the full motions when frustrations over simple things are boiling over. Sometimes it’s hard to get a coat on properly, or put something on a shelf, and a very big amount of frustrated feelings come flying out! A silly game usually doesn’t work for us in these moments - nor does naming the feelings. However, a silly round of a teapot getting steamed up and tipping over usually elicits a giggle - and sometimes a request to be tipped over like the teapot.
Teatime
At teatime, I sing ‘Polly put the kettle on,’ again substituting out our name.
Alden put the kettle on,
Avery put the kettle on,
Mama put the kettle on,
We’ll all have tea.
I also have bits of song that I sing as reminders or to change the tone. I definitely felt a bit silly when I started singing instructions to my kids, but now that I’ve gotten used to it, I have to stop myself singing instructions to people on the train! I make up silly rhymes and sing them to whatever tune comes to mind - My Darling Clementine, Mulberry Bush, or just a singsongy melody. Instead of shouting the kids’ names at the playground, I sing their names out - it’s more likely to draw their attention, and feels less harsh.
Resources for Songs and Verses
While it’s lovely to make up your own songs and verses, a bit of direction is helpful to get you started. I love all of the Wynstone Press season books, as well as the two more general ones.
Dany Rosevear’s Singing Games for Children is an amazing repository of song, especially if you can read music - athough she has recorded many of the tunes on her youtube channel.
Also, don’t undervalue popular songs or tunes that you already know! You can change the words to suit the occasion.