Today’s the last day in this mini ‘back to school’ series on addressing gender bias and stereotypes in your child’s classroom. I want to talk to you about the most important thing you can do: preparing your child to be an inclusive classmate.
First, though, I want to talk about racism and implicit bias in educational settings. This is too big a topic for these squares and merits a much bigger, ongoing conversation. If you are a white parent like me, it is essential that you talk to your child directly about race, racist bias, and privilege on a very regular basis. All existing research shows that if we avoid talking about race - even if we believe ourselves to be inclusive or not racist people - our children absorb messages from our culture and from our unconscious signals that are full of racist ideas. I’ll write a whole post about this soon, but the two books I recommend most highly on why and how to talk about race with children are Why are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria, by Beverly Daniel Tatum and a chapter in Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman which talks about the way that children absorb racist messages from culture even when we think we’re being anti-racist as parents.
Prepping your child to be an inclusive classmate has two different angles: talking with them about respecting and valuing difference, and helping them to develop the empathy and confidence to reach out to a child who is new, being bullied, or having a hard time.
Tips to Help Kids be Inclusive Classmates
Regularly read books that feature kids of different races and ethnicities, who wear different kinds of religious clothing, who have disabilities, and who live or immigrate from different countries. Include books about children who are refugees or asylum seekers if your child is old enough to discuss those topics.
Speak to your child’s teacher to see if there are any children in the class who have recently moved to your area, and reach out to those families to make them feel welcome. Say hello to the parents, set up a park playdate, and talk to your child about ways they could help the new child feel more settled. Depending on age, this might include inviting the new child to sit with them at lunch, waiting for the bus together, or helping them to find their way around a big campus. If any children have recently moved from a different region or country, check books out from the library about that country, find where it is on a map, and learn about any holidays or traditional children’s games that are played there.
If your child has classmates who follow a particular religion, learn the names of that religion’s major holidays and any religious clothing that is worn day-to-day (like a kippah or a hijab).
Ask your child’s teacher or school administrators about the school anti-bullying policy, and how to report microaggressions that you or your child witness.
Speak to your child about bullying and what it means to be a ‘bystander’ to bullying, rather than an ‘upstander’ or a ‘resistor’ who speaks up in support of a bullied classmate.
Our children learn the most by watching us. If we want them to be inclusive classmates, we need to show that ‘all are welcome’ through our own actions. How do you model inclusive behaviour in your daily life?