Although it might seem like there are two distinct threads of my parenting approach – the Montessori piece and the feminism piece – they are completely inseparable and inform each other. If you’re not a follower of Montessori’s philosophy, or if you’re new to feminist thinking, that link might not be so obvious. I thought I’d bridge that gap today, since it may seem like my posts and ideas are for two separate audiences. Montessori, and feminism, are for everyone!
Montessori Peace Education
The backbone of the Montessori approach for me is peace education. Dr. Montessori viewed education and the way that we treat children as a form of peace-making, as well as the surest way to bring about change in the wider society. By treating even the smallest children with respect, giving them the tools and skills to have dignity and self-determination over their lives wherever possible, and allowing them to follow their own schedule of development, a Montessori approach to family life gives children an innate understanding of their value in the world. They develop self-respect and internalize what it looks and feels like to respect others.
Peace education extends beyond caring for children conscientiously and includes preparing children to live harmoniously in a diverse world. Conflict resolution skills are taught from the very beginning, and children learn active listening skills, problem solving techniques, and self-regulation tools. As children grow they are introduced to the idea that all living things, including our planet, are interconnected and mutually dependent.
The Absorbent Mind
Montessori observed that young children don’t need to be explicitly taught about how to live in their culture or speak their main language. Like sponges, they absorb it from the world around them. Children learn from us and from wider society what the cultural rules and norms are around gender, race, disability, and all sorts of things. If we want to raise them to feel empowered to break down stereotypes and make the world a fairer place, we should start in the period of the absorbent mind.
Feminist parenting, Montessori Parenting
To me, the core of feminist parenting is raising children who can see the biases in our society, like sexism and racism, homophobia or heterosexism – and collaborate with other people to find a more equitable way forward.
As a feminist parent, I model respect for others’ voices, bodies, and beliefs by first and foremost showing this respect to my children.
I try to learn from and amplify marginalized voices, to act an accomplice for good, and to give my kids the space to explore their identities without pressure to fit in with stereotypes or preconceived notions about who they are or will become.
As a Montessori parent, I take the child’s absorbent mind into account, so I work to create an environment full of positive messages. I provide diverse books and music, a range of role models, and exposure to different ways of doing things that are equally valid to the way that our family or culture does things. I give language and context for the prejudices and unearned privileges in society that our kids will be absorbing.
As a feminist Montessori parent, I talk to my kids about consent, letting them know that they have control over their bodies and that nobody has the right to touch them if they don’t want, and that they must afford other people that respect.
I talk to them about what we might call ‘patriarchy’, or the usual order of our society where might makes right, whether that’s someone having physical power or strength over someone else, or more money, or more social status because of their race or sex or age. I give them facts about how societies structured in this way benefit some people at the expense of others, and how we can never have a really equitable world when some people are worth more than others. I help them learn about other ways society could be, and I help them learn about peaceful ways to advocate for society to be a better place.
Dr. Montessori famously said that “establishing peace is the work of education”, but that education doesn’t only happen in schools – it happens all day, every day, in our families and in all the places our children go. Change starts with how we treat our children, and the kind of world we hope they will make when they are grown.