Extra people. More sensory input everywhere you go. Sugary food. Twinkling lights. Exciting festive events. A recipe for holiday overwhelm for any child - especially spirited kids who always run a bit faster/louder/brighter.
If you’re looking for a way to reduce the holiday overwhelm for your spirited child - and the big feelings that come along with it - here’s a few things to try.
Slow down your family rhythm
It can be so tempting to try and fit in all kinds of fun and exciting things over the holidays. Visits with friends! Carol concerts! Lights! Performances! Making treats! It can feel like you’re not doing enough to provide a magical, beautiful holiday if your schedule isn’t packed with festive activities. But the more the pace ramps up, the harder spirited kids find it to self-regulate. Instead of a fun-filled holiday, everyone will have more moments of stress and upset. Resist the urge to overbook your calendars and stick to one big activity a day - or less!
Balance your days between social and busy activity days, and ones spent at home or in nature. There’s plenty of festive things to do at home or in the woods, without needing to rush to catch a train or have appropriate behaviour at a performance. Even spirited kids who thrive on sociable activities will benefit from quieter days in between the big exciting stuff.
Stick to your normal daily schedule as much as possible, keeping mealtimes and bedtimes as anchors, especially if your child is attending school or nursery right up until the holidays begin.
Ask relatives or visitors for their support beforehand
Maybe your child reacts badly to too many sweets, or to lots of people talking at once, or being quizzed on what they’re learning at school. Talk to relatives or anyone who you’ll be spending time with over the holidays and ask for their help in supporting your child to have a happy, fun visit. By talking about the situation beforehand, there will be fewer opportunities for people to see your overwhelmed, overexcited child as ‘being naughty’ - and more chances for them to see a kid getting overstimulated, and step in to help.
If you’ll be staying in someone else’s home, let them know that if your child needs a break, you’ll take them to a different room or for a walk. Your hosts may be able to help your child find a cosy spot to escape to, or may offer to take your child out to the playground to give you a chance to socialise.
Ask older relatives if they remember any times when you or your siblings got a little overexcited at the holidays. They will be happy to share those memories with you! It’s lovely to gain some perspective about ourselves as children, and remembering your wilder moments will help older relatives to see your child’s spirited behaviour as normal, rather than something that needs fixing.
Spread out the gifts
This one’s unsurprising - facing a huge pile of gifts is overwhelming for most adults! Your child may love ripping into one gift after another, but with each one the excitement and overwhelm begins to mount. Gifts are tossed aside, tears come when the game of rapid opening finally draws to an end. None of the gifts are as exciting as the prospect of one more surprise! If your family gives lots of gifts, try to space them out. Open a few each day between Christmas and the new year, or open them slowly as they arrive at the house. You can explain to family members that you want your child to see and appreciate their gift, and not have it be caught up a the frenzy of gift-opening.
If your gift-giving relatives are open to the idea, suggest that they gift your child with experiences or things which arrive throughout the year, like subscription activity boxes or magazines. An ‘IOU’ for a lunch date with an aunt, or a trip to the cinema with Grandad, is just as exciting as something new to open and inevitably cast aside. Although there’s less ‘wow factor’ upon opening, the fun times and memories made during gifted experiences outweigh most physical gifts.
Keep Everyone Moving
Visits with relatives, long meals, or anything that feels like ‘grownup time’ can be very boring and frustrating to children, and having to keep still and quiet can feel nearly impossible for a spirited child. Be ready for lots of breaks to run and shout in the garden, take a walk while you’re waiting for a meal to cook, or have a dance party to burn off excited energy as you wait for guests to arrive.
Indoor obstacle courses are always brilliant, tiring fun. Pile up cushions, make a walking line out of tape or even a blanket, lay out container lids as ‘lilypads’ for hopping onto…let your imagination lead you!
Plan physical activities with friends and family. Instead of meeting for a long meal, invite them for a walk or a visit to the park first, before heading home for refreshments. You may be surprised how many adult relatives are relieved to have a chance to stretch their legs alongside the kids!
Increase the calm
Now’s a great time to increase your daily yoga and meditation - or to start doing yoga and some short meditations with your children, if it’s new to you. Using Yoga Cards or children’s yoga videos (we like Cosmic Kids Yoga, but there’s lots out there to choose from) can help your child relax and balance out the excitement of the season. Simple meditations like the Silence Game are great for practicing stillness and quiet. Invite your child to sit with you in absolute stillness and silence for 30 seconds, thinking only about their breath. Let your child increase the time they choose to sit as they become more familiar with the game.
Candlelight baths, stories told by the light of the Christmas tree, or quiet walks in the dark help to create a magical sense of calmness.
Make a ‘meltdown plan’ so you can respond confidently
A meltdown or two is inevitable, even with the best scaffolding. Plan ahead and think how you’d like to respond. If your child needs space at a family event, will you take them outside for a break, or let them get their feelings out and recover upstairs? How will you keep yourself calm if your child starts to struggle on public transport or in a crowded theatre?
Helping a child through an overwhelm-triggered meltdown in public (or under the watchful eye of relatives) can feel incredibly hard for us parents. We may feel embarrassed that our child is responding this way - especially when other children around seem able to remain in control. We might feel worried about the judgements others are making about our parenting skills. Having a plan that we’ve worked through beforehand can keep us the moment instead of feeling triggered ourselves. This frees us up to be the safe person our kids need us to be, so that we can guide them through their meltdown and back towards emotional equilibrium.