As the weather warms up, we’re finally spending more time outdoors than in. Sunny days call for sun protection, which isn’t negotiable since I have children with light coloured hair and skin who burn easily. Sometimes A is happy to put on a sun hat or sunscreen, but other times he definitely would like to be hat and cream free. How do you navigate the balance between respecting your child’s wishes about their body, and keeping them safe from the sun’s rays?
Wearing weather appropriate clothing and sunscreen falls into the category of ‘health and safety’, like brushing teeth, washing off a grazed knee, or taking medication when prescribed by a doctor, but it can feel very unkind and manipulative to insist that unless the sunhat goes on, you leave the playground! It’s not always easy to find the balance between validating your child’s feelings and having good boundaries around things like sunscreen that affect our children’s bodies.
Like me, I’m sure you’ve relented a few times and let the arms go bare and the head uncovered because it felt frustrating, negative, and disconnecting to press the issue. I wanted to share a few tools I’ve been using to make getting out in the sunny weather a bit more fun and collaborative.
Make it a game
Playful parenting is a helpful tool when a bodily care job needs to get done. Sometimes adding an element of a game will help your child move past resistance and they will be a willing, if not eager, participant. Pretending sunscreen is sticky melted ice cream or ‘sun invisibility cream’ (complete with a hunt for your now invisible child once the cream is applied) can help turn the ritual of getting ready to go outside into a time for play and connection rather than opposition. In our house, anything involving mice is too fun to resist. An offer of ‘mouse cream for soft and sleek grey fur’ and a ‘mouse hat to protect your whiskers’ is hardly ever refused.
Modelling the activity and sharing responsibility
Every time it’s sunny out, we put sunscreen on our arms and faces, and we wear hats. It’s not something I require the children to do – it’s something we all do, just like getting our flasks of water ready and putting on our shoes. A can help put suncream on me or find his little brother’s sun hat as part of the getting-out-the-door process without me needing to ask him to do so, because we get ready to leave the house in a predictable and formulaic way more times than not. At nearly 4, A knows what needs to be done to leave, because I share out the responsibility and ask for his help with packing bags, finding sunscreen, and lining up our things by the door. When I share out the responsibility for getting us all ready – which includes appropriate clothes, shoes, and other gear – it becomes a collaborative effort rather than actions from an adult world, being done to a small child on an adult timetable. We can happily work together to get ourselves ready, with everyone playing a useful part. Turning some of the responsibility over to your child shifts the energy in the situation away from adults telling the child what to do, and towards a child being a valuable, helpful member of the family.
Non-punitive logical consequences and collaborative problem solving
If there’s a risk of sunburn or heatstroke, then it’s not a punishment or a manipulation to hold a boundary which says that the hat goes on/sunscreen goes on/wooly jumper and tights come off in the hot weather (does this happen at your house too?), or we have to go indoors. Sometimes, of course, this won’t be possible – on a long day out you won’t be able to come home straightaway as easily as if you’re in the local playground. In this situation an indoor break might be a suggestion, with a game or a snack to break up the tension. Depending on your child’s age, a collaborative solution might be possible. How would they like to solve the problem of sunburn? They might suggest something completely possible, like wearing an SPF rashguard vest, or getting a friend to apply their suncream. Allow silly suggestions some consideration! There may be some aspect of a suggestion that you can put to good use.
At the heart of respectful parenting are interactions that honour your child’s perspectives while you give them guidance and support to grow safely. When everyone is happy and feels connected, you’re much more likely to have a peaceful, fun day outdoors!